When Do I Engage?
“Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand.” Matthew 12:25
Jesus said these words to the Pharisees about Satan, yet it serves as a reminder for the church today. The church does not escape the reach or effects of a society that pits “us” verses “them” in every way imaginable. From how we mount our toilet paper to whom we vote for, nothing escapes our strong opinions. Interestingly enough, Paul warned Timothy about how we should conduct ourselves regarding the heated discussions we inevitably come across on social media.
“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:23-26
What is a foolish controversy? And on the flip side, what should we correct? In other words, when should we engage? Believe it or not, not every discussion in which you have a strong opinion on is worth your time or energy—a lesson I’m just now starting to grasp. When we feel strongly about something, discussions are bound to get heated and can get ugly. When we, the church, publicly disagree on social media, we are displaying to the world a house divided. So, it is of utmost importance to pick our battles and our words wisely.
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35
Our first step in engaging a controversial conversation should be to stop and pray. This gives us time to reflect on whether we should engage. Hopefully, through our prayer, God will grant us wisdom on when or how to engage.
We tend to enter these conversations hot. In our earnestness and desire to be heard, we may forget to listen to those we disagree with. Before working on our rebuttal, we must truly listen to what the others in the conversation are saying. I should pause here to note that I am the first person who needs to hear this advice. I am quite opinionated and have always felt the need to express my opinions, even when it was not wise to do so. I am now learning to listen more to other voices while holding my tongue.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20
When we are willing to listen to other perspectives, we may learn something—or, in the very least, we can be reminded of the inherent value that person holds as a child of God. We do not need to change our opinions in order to acknowledge others’ value. But reflecting on that value will hopefully lead us into a respectful conversation.
“Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.” Acts 10:34b-35
After we’ve prayed and listened, in some (most) instances where engagement is necessary, it should be done privately.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Matthew 18:15
As Paul wrote to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:24 (see above), we should approach controversy with the intent to teach with patience and gentleness—markers of our love for each other. We should aim to build each other up rather than tear down.
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:15-16
We need to remember Christ in these conversations. Our pride has no place here. Christ makes no distinctions based on class, race, politics, religious background, etc. For He is the one who tears down the walls between us.
“remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” Ephesians 2:12-22
As we are different parts of the Body, we do not all have the same functions nor do we have the same perspectives. We need others’ perspectives to grow. Humans cannot be objective. We are not omniscient as God is, so what we know to be true may not be the whole picture. Our experiences shape our beliefs, and the same goes for others. They are as valid as ours. We are more likely to grow when we listen to other perspectives rather than discounting them because they don’t fully align with ours. Rather, those eternal truths (mankind’s sin and need for a savior, Jesus’ death & resurrection, our redemption/salvation through Him, our obedience as a response) should be held up as unchanging while minor truths can and should be malleable and informed.
“For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.” 1 Corinthians 13:9-10
Of course, we each have our own convictions on how we should live our lives to honor Christ. As long as they align with Scripture, we should stand firm in those convictions. But we should not judge other Christians for standing firm in their convictions (even when they oppose ours), as both are doing so to honor Christ. Mind you, this can be applied to political leaning or worship style, dress code or mission support. Sometimes it is best to keep these convictions to ourselves for the sake of our fellow believers. Our faith is between us and God, and what we choose to share should be edifying, not condemning.
“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.
10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11 for it is written,
“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God.”
12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
20 Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Romans 14
How we conduct ourselves in public (and on social media) comes down to two things:
1. Our public witness (Is our conversation shining light on the Gospel?)
2. Our role in the Church (Are our words being used to build up or tear down?)
We cannot control how others choose to use their voices, but we can control when and how we engage them. God’s love should guide our interactions, and we can leave the judgement up to Him.
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 2:13-17
(All verses shared are from the English Standard Version of the Bible with my own emphasis added.)