There’s a story Corrie Ten Boom tells of God weaving together the seemingly disorganized pieces of our lives, and only at the end when you flip it over and see the finished piece can you appreciate the way God orchestrated pieces of your life. (See here for Corrie’s explanation ) Looking back, you could recognize each thread’s work that led to the masterpiece, even though at the time it looked confusing, chaotic, or maybe even painful.
For Liz Bell, an on-and-off fight against anxiety and depression since her late teens, growing up in the Church but not prioritizing her relationship with Jesus for years, only to be drawn back to Him just as a global pandemic kicked off could feel a little disorientating. What is God doing through these times? And yet, despite the hard of these situations, she can clearly see and is thankful for how God has drawn her to know Him in a deeper and truer way in the last year. Looking back, she can see how He was pulling her back to Him leading up to October 2019, when she joined her friend Kathleen for a gathering at Riverbend. Her heart already softened, she walked into the gathering and could immediately feel a presence. The music began playing and she broke down. She didn’t expect such a reaction, but thinking about it since, she feels it was the Holy Spirit impressing upon her that “you are where you need to be when you need to be there”. This was a different experience for her than when she went to church growing up; this was how a relationship with Jesus should be. It’s been a process of immersing herself in God’s Word, learning and unlearning; of releasing control, recognizing her life is not her own.
After only a few months of rebuilding a new relationship with Jesus, attending Riverbend and connecting with people, COVID hit. But instead of being discouraged, she still feels grateful for coming when she did, because she’s thankful not to waste any time in getting to know the Lord and read the scripture she wishes she has known for longer. She’s reflected on how challenging this season of uncertainty would be if she didn’t have the certainty of God and His love to cling to.
Like Corrie Ten Boom, as well as the apostle Paul, she can admit that a relationship with God does not keep us from trial. Since she was 18, Liz has dealt with bouts of anxiety and depression, including two bouts of post-partum depression, and even experiencing what she calls a mental fatigue or fog in recent weeks. Amidst all the discussion and decision making of the upcoming school year, her youngest not sleeping well, and general information overload, Liz could recognize something was changing. Her mom also noticed and stepped right in to help and support her. Mental illness is not one-size-fits-all, nor is any one person’s journey, but for Liz, this time felt different for her compared to the bouts she had before beginning a true relationship with the Lord. With the help of medication and prayer, she feels she has been lifted out of this slump quicker than usual. She is learning how to recognize her need for help and reach out sooner.
One thing Liz wants to address by sharing her own story is that mental illness is not something to be ashamed of; it’s not a sin. Sometimes there is simply a chemical imbalance; medication, counseling, and other supports all have their place. Mental illness should be met with compassion and support; it is not a sign of weakness. After seeing WFMZ sports anchor, Dan Moscaritolo post about his recent struggle with depression and then being approached to share her story with her Riverbend family, she felt led to be vulnerable and share in the hopes of helping others. If sharing her own story can help one other person not feel alone, then it was worth it.
Some favorite verses of Liz’s in this season are:
Philippians 4:6-7
John 13:7
Psalm 34
[If you are experiencing anxiety or depression in this season, please reach out to someone: a family member or friend, or contact Riverbend. You are not alone. Help is available.
Click here to visit some resources available through Riverbend or locally. ]