Letting the Light in—Bethann’s Story
While many of us may know Bethann Miller as a woman of leadership in the church, a counselor, and the co-founder of Safe Place Ministry, what you may not know is the story of her life that has helped to shape who she is and how she serves.
Bethann began attending Riverbend Community Church with her husband, Tom, in 2012 when they moved to the Lehigh Valley. Since then, Bethann has served our community in numerous ways, having previously led the women’s ministry, counseled many in the church, and is currently on the teaching team for Sunday mornings. Throughout Bethann’s life, God’s presence, love and faithfulness have always been her foundations. Even as a young child, she has a recollection of His presence in her life. Although there were times when she questioned that love and faithfulness, and even pushed it away, Bethann recalls that especially during those times, He still remained.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
Bethann’s mother, a member of a convent, left that life to marry her father. As a young child, she remembers attending Folk Mass through the Catholic church and later the Jesus movement of the 1970’s with her mother. This is where the foundation of her faith was laid.
Bethann recalls several miraculous events in her life where Christ’s power and presence was undeniable. One such event was when she attended a Women Aglow event with her mom and the speaker talked about Jesus opening the eyes of the blind. Hearing this impacted Bethann deeply, as she had a degenerative eye disease since birth and doctors had determined there was no restoring it. But that night, Jesus spoke directly to her through this speaker. When the speaker asked if anyone needed to be healed of their eyesight issues, she came forward right away. From that day forward, Bethann no longer needed any intervention to correct her eyesight. It was clear that God had a plan for her life and that she was His.
As a child, Bethann was very excited about her relationship with Christ. She recalls friends wanting to play sports with her, but before she would agree, they had to listen to her share the gospel. She had a tract about the end times and the rapture. She would preach that her peers would repent and be saved so that they would go to heaven. Only after listening to what she had to tell them, would she agree to play with them.
Unfortunately, as she moved into the early teenage years, she began to harden her heart. Bethann began to turn inward. She would get angry, and her home life became tumultuous due to her internal struggles. She recalls that this all began around the time of puberty and feels that this is connected to ongoing trauma that she endured during her early developmental years.
As her depression and anxiety worsened, she found ways to try and control the chaos that she felt inside. Bethann struggled with her weight, truly believing that she was unattractive. She had a self-hatred that stemmed from her past trauma. As a means to take control, she decided she was going to change the way she looked. When she was about 20 years old, she began severely controlling what she ate every day. She starved her body to the point that she could no longer hold a job, and eventually even getting up to take a shower was such a feat that this was all she could accomplish in a day. She was diagnosed with Anorexia-nervosa and then later with bulimia. A consistent cycle of binging and purging followed by self-punishment and further starvation along with taking 12-30 laxatives a day, was causing her body to collapse. Her mom, in an effort to try to help, would purchase cases of Gatorade to relieve the terrible muscle spasms and dangerous electrolyte imbalances this caused.
For years, she lived like this. Self-harming, despair and consistent thoughts of suicide were present. In a desperate state, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for eating disorders in California. She knew that if she did not do something, she was going to die. At 23 years old, she came home from that clinic and was determined to live and to make a change. She was going to fight for her life. That is how she describes it. Every day was a FIGHT for her life. She was on medicine to treat anxiety and depression from a medical standpoint. She began attending church and two of the Pastor’s wives asked if she was willing to go through biblical counseling with them. These women would discuss scripture with her, pray over her, and help bring truth and wholeness to her. Bethann would open her Bible and write scripture after scripture down in notebooks using God’s Word as a sword to fight. Unable to concentrate as her anxiety was so high, this is the only way she was able to keep her thoughts on the words. She found worship music as a tool she could use, too, playing and singing truth into her soul.
She decided that she was going to let the light in, and bit by bit, that light pushed the darkness out. God’s Word and his truths and his promises are light to our dark souls, and Bethann can attest to the power of God’s Word. Writing the scripture, reading it, singing it. She fought with the power of God’s Word for her life! Since that time, she has never gone to that dark a place again, but there are still lasting effects to this day. She compares this to the thorn in the flesh that Paul carried with him throughout his life. She still struggles with body image and being kind to herself when she messes up. She still needs medication for her anxiety, but God has redeemed her. She is no longer a slave to the darkness. God has invited her to come alongside him to walk alongside others and point them to freedom and the Hope of Christ..
When Bethann was asked what she would like people to take away from her story, she answered this, “Suffering is real, trauma destroys, intervention is possible, and sometimes we have to fight like hell to break free.” She wants people to know that light is more powerful than darkness, and as the light comes, the darkness has to flee.
Hebrews 6:19 “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a HOPE that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.”