Not by Might

Throughout Lent, the 40 days leading up to Easter, we shared a reflection series called Return to Me: A Pause for Lent. We had opportunity to, like David, invite God to search our hearts for anything that has caused a breach in our relationship with him. This inspection is heavy work, but it’s also redemptive. Confession and repentance feel painful, but they are a kindness and gift from our loving Father, an invitation to return to him.

This is not, however, work that we do on our own, in a vacuum. The heart-searching of Lent and the salvation offered through Jesus’ death and resurrection on Easter meet in the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, God himself, lives in us, works in us. Beginning April 17th and leading up to Pentecost, we will share a new series on the Holy Spirit. In the meantime, we are honored to share the work that the Holy Spirit is doing in one of our own, Kyle Lara, as she laid a struggle before the Lord and he has begun to redeem it.

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Recently, I took my son to Skate-Away, and I'm grateful to have the experience of doing something like this with him. It doesn't get lost on me how fleeting and special this time is for us.  But it also isn't lost on me that if I hadn't given up alcohol for Lent and if I’d indulged in all the regular St. Patrick's Day "shenanigans," I would be too hungover and tired to even think about taking my son skating. And that would lead to feeling guilty for not being intentional and present with my family, ultimately leading to depression, anxiety, and shame.

Life without alcohol has been awesome, and I can say that as someone who genuinely enjoys the taste of beer.  It's given me a perspective that has completely changed my relationship with alcohol, and for that alone, I feel very blessed.  I keep thanking God for His grace and mercy because if it wasn't for Christ in me, I'd most likely be boastful about the success I have had with how many "dry days" I have had in a row.  There's a word for that, you know?  It's called "striving," and it's exhausting. I know this because of how hard I've been on myself when I wasn't successful at giving it up for longer than a week. I would probably be prideful in my ability to abstain as if willpower had anything to do with it.

The truth is, I am nothing and have nothing without Jesus. It's only because of His selfless and generous gift of salvation that I am not only forgiven of my sins but loved even while wading in sin knee-deep.  When you are loved here, in the wade pool, in a place of disdain for yourself and your actions, it changes you. This is the love of Jesus.  It's transformative. It's a type of kindness that leads to repentance, ultimately leading to a new way of life.  I could stay in this moment forever, because in this moment is a deep understanding that God can, does, and will forgive me.  He has given me more opportunities than I can count to choose Him again and again. See, this is His goodness, the kind that chases you down every day of your life.  This is His kindness and love for you. And this is His desire for my life.  How do I know that? I know that because I'm still here.

As I laced up some rental skates to follow my son around a roller rink for a few hours, it's not without the deep knowing that His Spirit goes with me.  It's His Spirit that is even making this moment possible.  Giving up alcohol for Lent has made it crystal clear that the flesh is weak.  My flesh loves St. Patrick's Day, green beer, and bar hopping; it hates early mornings, headaches, and hangovers.  But when we ask the Holy Spirit to lead us through the temptations of indulgence, I found that the Spirit of the living God is willing to carry me.  And I believe that it's in these moments—when I am surrounded by what truly matters and living joyfully without the one thing I thought only amplified my joy—that allows Christ to be most visible in me.  I am showing up fully present without alcohol on my breath and without regret in my heart.  It hasn't been without temptation and teeter-totter thoughts. It has been challenging and lonely at times. But it's also been incredibly rewarding.  I'm only able to show up because God loved me to this place.  This is the place where fullness becomes tangible:  full of His love, full of His peace, full of His Spirit willing to lead and love me forward. A place where filling myself with the light and love of God I've received can be shared with anyone else who wants to be here, in "this place" with Him too.

Community and Contribution, Jason McDaniel's Story

Every September, Riverbend takes a Hebrews 11-type pause to look back and then reset for the Kingdom work ahead. Each of us individually, and the Riverbend Church family, collectively, is part of something bigger. As part of our look back this Fall, we want to share a bit of Jason McDaniel’s story. 

Jason McDaniel, his wife, Robin, and their three children now live in New Tripoli, but they haven’t always been Lehigh Valley residents. Jason came here in 2008 as part of an internship with Air Products before returning officially “full time” in 2009. He grew up in upstate New York and met Robin at Cedarville University in Ohio. Jason holds several business degrees from Cedarville and an MBA from Cornell University. Before his time at Air Products and Cornell, Jason worked for three years at the Department of Justice in Washington, D.C.

He and Robin arrived in the Lehigh Valley and were invited to Riverbend just as weekly worship services at the Sheraton Jetport on Airport Road began.  They knew they wanted to find a smaller church where they could connect and contribute.

Jason shares, “I am a firm believer in the idea that we should approach church with the attitude of ‘How can I be a part of what God is doing?’ rather than ‘What can this church offer us?’” And he has been a part of a lot, faithfully serving over their years of involvement here at Riverbend on the leadership team, as an elder, as financial advisor and budget support, and participant and leader of various community groups.

Although Jason recently stepped down from his role as Elder, he is not stepping back from contributing. He, Robin, and Joe and Amy Velarde are leading a multi-generational community group looking at the foundational beliefs of Christianity through the New City Catechism, a resource aimed at helping children and adults learn the core doctrines of the Christian faith through 52 questions and answers. Youth 7-12 years old will be learning with Jason, while the adults will be learning with Pastor Joe.

“I think a lot about how I can ensure that my kids (and others their age) have the opportunities that I did to build a strong Biblical foundation that will stand up to the challenges they will experience today.  I don’t fully know what our next step will bring but seek to commit this next season to the Lord and pray that He will continue to guide our paths.”

This stance is a living expression of one of Jason’s guiding scriptures, Proverbs 3:5-6,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” 

Jason explains, “In my experience, there is seldom an audible voice or ‘feeling’ that guides me to the next step, but I believe if we are faithful with what we have been entrusted with, we can look back and see His hand ‘straightening’ our paths.”

Those guiding paths started in his parents’ home and in a 5-day club where he made his profession of faith in Jesus as a 5-year-old. Eventually the faith that was first nurtured by his parents and his local community church became his own. Studying the Bible was a key way that Jason strengthened and personalized his faith.

A pleasant turn of events for the McDaniels this past year was Jason’s parents’ move to the Lehigh Valley. You may have met or served with them at a worship service this past year. Like Jason and Robin 13 years ago, Gretchen and Richard are looking for a new church home, and it just might be Riverbend.

Jason characterizes Riverbend as a church that empowers people to realize what God has called them to. “We aren’t perfect and don’t pretend to be, but I am excited about what God is doing in our church to impact the Valley and the World for Himself.”

“My hope is that our community will continue to be a place where we empower people to take their next step for the gospel.  I desire to see discipleship and a deepening of our understanding of what and who we believe as we stand with Grace for Truth in a world where the two feel incompatible.  I desire to see that grounding in Grace and Truth in our next generation.” 

May it be so!

Monica Tramontina: A Story about Planting... and Tending

Monica grew up as an only child in Fall River, Massachusetts. Her parents divorced when she was two, and growing up, she lived in modest housing and relished the connections with her Portuguese relatives. When she was 12, her father came back into her life for several years, asking her mother to move to Florida and to try to reconcile.

It was while in Florida that Monica’s Christian faith story really unfolded in a transforming way. Thanks to a persistent invitation from a friend to go to the “Ranch,” a Christian youth gathering, Monica learned that you didn’t have to work your way to heaven.  She accepted the Lord’s gift of salvation and was supported in significant ways by the youth leaders Mike and Kaye Otto.  This immersion in Christian community gave Monica a new frame of reference for how people should treat one another.  As an emboldened teen, she announced to her mother that she was no longer willing to live in the house where her dad was regularly verbally and emotionally abusive.  She declared, “I’m leaving with or without you!”  Shortly after this declaration, adults from the youth ministry moved Monica and her mom out of the house while her dad was at work.

Because of the accumulated memories of hurt and destructive behavior, Monica did not want any contact with her dad.  She worked intentionally to not be connected for many years.

In contrast, the connection with the Ottos positively impacted her life and direction. She attended Florida Bible College and met her first husband Don there.  They felt called to church planting and served as church planters throughout their marriage, first planting Crossings Community Church in Bucks County when they were in their 20s, then a church in Nova Scotia, and finally the Heritage Bible Fellowship Church in the Poconos in the early 90s.  With each call came some challenges. The first involved her dad. 

As they headed to Nova Scotia with their two young children, her husband asked her, “Do you think if we’re going to share the love of Jesus with people, you might want to forgive your dad?”  Monica had held on to anger and pain for many years and this question was a powerful one—one that she didn’t really want to face.  Eventually, that question led to a lunch and then, shortly before his death, a meaningful phone conversation during which Monica was able to say to her dad, “I love you.”  Monica shares that this kind of transformation was only possible by God’s strength and His ministry of grace.

Another challenge involved a very difficult realization around one of their church plants. The team Don and Monica were assigned to was just not a good match for them.  Rather than seeing the diversity and energy that they brought to the ministry, the others worked deliberately to squash, quiet, and squeeze them into a mold that God had not designed for them.   Monica remembers asking, “What are you going to do if we’re really ourselves?”  Those real selves, thankfully, were asked to come back home to Pennsylvania to re-evaluate and find a better place to serve.

Shortly after they began their ministry in the Poconos, both Monica and Don were diagnosed with serious health problems.  Don’s brain tumor would ultimately take his life 11 years after the diagnosis. Monica would undergo many, many surgeries.  Layered on top of the physical challenges were bouts of anxiety and depression.  It took a pointed conversation between her physician and her husband (who was not comfortable with taking medicines for mental health symptoms) to get Monica a treatment plan that allowed her to function. While worry was a common companion for Monica, God has taught her to trust the truth in Matthew 6:25-33, especially “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ... Your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

God has continually tended to Monica—her anxieties, her questions, her needs. She reflects that she had always struggled to trust God about money issues and those concerns became heightened when her husband became ill, but God was faithful.  With example after example of supportive co-workers and friends from other churches, and even in the timing of a new job, God showed His tending provision for her and her family. 

What Monica didn’t know at the time of these trials, but was part of God’s plan for her future, was that a fellow teacher, Mark Tramontina, was walking a similar journey.  His wife had been battling cancer with long hospital stays and difficult declines. Mark’s wife died 5 days after Monica’s husband.  Monica and Mark would first grieve together and later fall in love. They married in 2005.

Monica and her husband, Mark.

Monica recognizes how her life experiences have enabled her to be specially attuned to others who may be asking, “How can I do this?”  Monica currently finds joy and purpose in stepping in to help families with young children.  She knows how difficult it is to ask for help, and she has been the recipient of unsolicited, life-sustaining gifts of assistance, so she finds herself regularly stepping in to provide relief to Riverbend families, neighbors, and to her own children and grandchildren.

She is able to remind a worried friend that while something might happen in the future, “It’s not today,” and today is what we need to focus on for now.  She also reminds exhausted parents, “This isn’t forever. It’s for right now.”  One group of caregivers that she has a special heart for are the parents of children with special needs.  You may know Monica as the local coordinator of Riverbend’s Night to Shine Prom.  Her efforts with this national event are inspired by her unique love for Levi, one of her grandchildren. Levi, who is now six, was born early, weighing 1 lb, 10 oz. at 23 weeks gestation.  He has cerebral palsy. Monica describes him as “the happiest boy you’ll ever meet.” 

Monica with her grandson, Levi.

For her entire life, God has planted her in specific places for specific purposes and has tended her.  And all those experiences have prepared her to both plant and tend the people who are now a part of her life.  It’s a role she is stepping into more fully in retirement, and it’s likely that you will be a recipient of that tending if you spend any time at Riverbend!  I know I have.

Victoria Maxwell: A Young Woman Living with 4:13 Power

When I anticipated getting to know Victoria Maxwell, I had Samuel’s encounter with David as a young man in mind (1 Samuel 16). I didn’t know what the conversation would be like.  I was prepared for a short “Spark notes” kind of experience.  Instead, I got a page-turner with chapter after chapter, much more than a person might expect from a just-turned-20-year-old.

Victoria is adopted, and she lived with her mom, Connie Maxwell, and dad in Tennessee until she was 15.  As a sophomore in high school, she and her mom moved to Breinigsville to live with and take care of her grandmother, as her grandmother experienced increasing needs caused by dementia.  My first introduction to Victoria was seeing her singing on the worship team one Sunday morning, but I learned that her worship leading started years before that. As a young teen, she and two friends formed “The Worship Project” and performed at church events and community festivals. She loved leading worship and the churches and festival goers loved having her lead.

Riverbend’s Adam Pinto is Victoria’s cousin and is part of the reason that she and her mom worship with us.  At holidays and during summer vacation when Victoria was a child, the Maxwells would often worship at Riverbend as visitors.  Victoria grew up in a Methodist church with an aging congregation and a traditional music routine.  She loved the sense of welcome that she received when she attended Riverbend.  When they moved to the Lehigh Valley, she and her mom settled on Riverbend because of its welcoming, “no judgment,” move-to-the-music style of worship.  Unlike some other places, she never felt like she was a disgrace.

One of Victoria’s early tests of faith came at a community youth event in Tennessee where she realized that, although she and her peers were putting on a good show for the public, they were dealing with significant, difficult issues on the inside. At the time, her parents were deciding to divorce and she was dealing with painful experiences.  At this particular retreat, she had the opportunity to stand and see that she wasn’t alone in those challenges.  It was one of many times when her favorite verse, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” came to life for her.

Another “I can do all things” season came as she graduated from Parkland High School and contemplated her next steps. College?  Work? Something else? The “something else” turned out to be a decision to serve as a short-term volunteer on a Mercy Ship.  Victoria had been introduced to Mercy Ships several years earlier when she met Zodi, a member of a family who served with Mercy Ships. The family was visiting Bethann Miller. Zodi was from Ethiopia, and Victoria felt an immediate connection to her because Victoria’s best friend in Tennessee had also been adopted from Ethiopia.  This friendship planted seeds, which grew into an idea when Victoria was looking for a “next step” after high school. During her senior year she had been praying, asking God where He wanted her to be.  Several people kept asking about an experience with Mercy Ships, and one night when she was working a shift at Chick-Fil-A that she didn’t normally work, she got confirmation that she should apply. As she brought a meal to a family, they were praying. Taking a Philippians 4:13 step, she asked if she could join them in their prayer.  She ended up talking with them for an extended time about mission opportunities and Christian college. During this encounter, this anonymous family prayed over her. Soon after, she applied and was accepted for a 6-month service assignment, beginning January 2020. Victoria reflected, “People here exaggerate what Africa is like.  They say it is terrible; people are malnourished; it’s a third world continent.  That may be true, but people are happy!  They may be working three jobs and living in a little apartment, but they are happy.  They have smiles.  They show up for work (maybe not on time 😊 African time is different than our time in the U.S.!). As long as you are respectful of them, they are respectful of you.  They welcome us into their homes. They feed us. It was amazing to be a part of that community.”

Victoria’s Mercy Ship Galley Team

As we all know, 2020 did not go as any of us planned, and that was true for Victoria as well. Her service time—working in the galley, preparing food for the medical teams and patients at a port in Senegal—ended up being three months instead of six months. Being out of country as COVID spread was a scary experience for Victoria, one that again required that she tap into God’s provided Philippians 4:13 power. At first, the ship was locked down. Although the ministry was able to make accommodations for some of the day crew workers to stay, it was determined the best course of action for Victoria was to make her way back to the United States.  This was a challenging time, going through airports that were more like ghost towns, watching boards update flights with cancellations after cancellations, borrowing phones from strangers when hers died, just to reach her mom to let her know that she was still making progress toward Newark.  Looking back, Victoria said “Behind the scenes there were a million caring people watching out for me.”

Coming back from an international experience, especially one cut short by a pandemic, is not necessarily an easy homecoming.  It is usually followed by a time of mourning, and that was true for Victoria.  She needed to allow herself to be sad and to acknowledge all the loss she felt.  She misses her Mercy Ships community. They were always uplifting. She said it felt like “24/7 church camp.”  When she wrestled with faith issues, her team surrounded her and said “Let’s walk through it together. It felt like a hug all the time.”

This is just a recent chapter in a story of how God has been reaching Victoria.  While some people are captivated by studying the Bible, Victoria needed to be reached another way.  The rituals felt empty, but God found her through people.  He came alive to her in contemporary worship.  She reflects, “He brings people into my life that just make sense. He is always there, always there holding my hand. I’m always talking to God.  Sometimes when I’m singing or another person is singing, the sun will hit the window and you know it’s His presence. I know He is here.  He is like the Dad I never had.”

I asked her what the next chapter in her story might be.  She is currently studying photo journalism through University of New Hampshire online (an affordable option for college). She is also working at a horse farm, helping to care for the animals.  Smiling, she said she’s filthy and happy! Her vision of the future includes graduating with a 4.0, moving out of Pennsylvania and getting an apartment with her best friend, Libby.  She hopes to pursue a dream job of working for National Geographic.  Right now, as a self-taught photographer, she is trying her hand and testing her skills, capturing unique sights and sounds as her story unfolds. Clearly the seeds that have been planted and the early experiences are helping to shape the storyline yet to be told. In the meantime, life promises to be captured in a great light!

Victoria demonstrates her photographic skills capturing these moments with friends.

Victoria demonstrates her photographic skills capturing these moments with friends.

Victoria demonstrates her photographic skills capturing these moments with friends.

New Found Freedom

Dear sinner,

I hope you don’t mind me addressing you in that way, but I found it be a blessing when someone points out to me just who I am. I’ll get to that later.

This blank document stares back at me as I wonder where I could even begin to start to explain the things God has done in my life through His power, strength, compassion, and kindness. I guess admitting that I don’t deserve any of it after the things I’ve done is a good place to start, knowing that maybe the person reading this sometimes also might feel like a failure.

Grace.  A simple word with deep meaning that continues to show up in my daily life every morning. Here again, given to me, when I’ve done nothing to deserve it.  I think it manifests itself in that first deep breath as an awareness settles into my heart:  God loves me.  And the proof in that is that I’m here writing this to you right now.

Where are my manners?  Hi, I’m Kyle.  My friends call me Ky.  I’m a born-again Christian with a sin-soaked past. Even after being reborn, I struggle with sin, and, to be honest, I think most Christians do, but talking about it is really hard.  I hope by writing this, I kick down a few of those bricks that keep the wall of shame separating us.  We’re all human and more alike than we are different.  And I know, because of our humanity, there is something in your life that you wish there wasn’t.  Me, too.

I remember looking in the mirror and wondering how on earth God could “choose” someone like me.  It made no sense.  I knew little about the Bible.  I had a massive blind spot when it came to sin in my own life. And if I’m being truly honest, I took God’s forgiveness of sin for granted for a long time.

My relationship with God was always there—it never disappeared by any means—but when the pandemic hit, things felt confusing.  As a full-time working mom outside the home, my morning commute, AKA “my time spent with God,” disappeared.  I used that alone time to pray, to talk to Him, to hand over worries and fears, and to relax and rest in His presence.  I would use my lunch breaks to sit in my car and read the Bible. On my way home, I’d pray for strength to continue the work of a wife and mom and pray for the patience I would need upon entering the chaos that is the Lara household.  Once the world shut down and I was home every day, waking up in chaos because my routines went out the window, I was submersed in fear of Covid-19. I felt like I couldn’t hear His voice anymore. I started to cope with stress in unhealthy ways.

It’s here that I’d like to mention my relationship with alcohol.  Before the pandemic hit, I never would have even assumed I had a problem with drinking.  I would drink socially and responsibly. It wasn’t until the world embraced a life-altering pandemic, and I didn’t know how to cope with the fear and stress it brought into my life that it became a daily habit.  It is not that I would down an entire bottle of whiskey every night, but I was drinking every single evening. I also wouldn’t ever drink to excess—there was no blacking-out, vomiting, or alcohol poisoning—but in many ways it was worse. It was not at all obvious, in fact, it was very unnoticeable and even acceptable.

As soon as I started cooking dinner, I’d grab a hard seltzer. That first sip, unknowingly, was creating a reward system connection in my brain.  I made it through another day, cheers!  Some days, one was enough, on harder days, one could easily turn into four.  And here’s something about alcohol that is really warped: It doesn’t take away anxiety, it just delays it.  That delay showed up just in time for bed, and I found myself unable to sleep.  The things I stressed about in the day that seemingly disappeared as I drank my drinks would pop into my head the minute I would lay down.  The inability to sleep is debilitating.  Don’t worry, I fixed it: I added sleeping pills to the mix.

It’s so strange writing this all down because, although I’m standing on the other side of this, I’m only now realizing the depths of trouble and darkness I was in that God pulled me out of.  Taking inventory of His goodness brings me to tears.

Every story has a breaking point, right?  Here’s mine.  I went to visit friends whom I haven’t seen in nearly two years.  In celebration of seeing my childhood best friend, we of course had a few drinks.  The funny thing was, I was so careful about not overdoing it.  I had bottles of water between my drinks, and I had a stomach full of food.  What could go wrong?  I woke up the next morning with a headache from hell.  Literally. 

It was July 4th.  Our plans were to head to the pool, then spend the night at the baseball field watching a ball game followed by fireworks.  Waking up feeling like that instantly brought on the weight of shame, which masked itself by pretending I was okay. If you know the weight of holding shame, I’m sorry.  It’s a lot, and we were never meant to hold it.  I chugged water, took some Tylenol, and headed to the pool with a heavy heart and a fake smile.

I still had fun, but it wasn’t me.  It was not the vibrant, fun-loving, young-hearted, full-of-life Ky.  It was a subdued, forcing my way through, trying hard to be happy Ky.  And no offense, but she sucks and isn’t really all that great to be around.  And of course, after spending the day feeling like crap, the only normal thing to do would be to drink again that night.  Yep, the vicious cycle continued.  This time was different though.  I knew how awful that headache was that I had just experienced, and there was no way I would want to be in the car for three hours driving home the next morning with a hangover.  I limited myself to one drink.  It didn’t even taste good.

After coming home, I craved God.  I can’t explain it other than that, and I only know that feeling because it’s not the first time in my faith-walk that I’ve wandered away.  I felt so far from Him, but thankfully there are a few places where I know I can reach Him.  One place is Riverbend Community Church.  The service that was preached July 4th was recorded online, and so on Monday, July 5th, I sat down with a basket of laundry that needed to be folded and listened to a life-changing message by Pastor Chris Dean.  He spoke about a fractured life that had come to an unnecessary end because of addiction and an eye-opening awakening that he was living that same fractured life.  BOOM.  My heart recognized the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and I knew this message was meant for me at this time.

After hearing that message and buying the book that Pastor Chris suggested, my life has been incredibly different.  I'm now 15 days sober.  I haven’t had a sip of alcohol, and the sleeping pills are no longer needed.  If you’re thinking, “Wow, what an accomplishment”, you’re right… but I hope you realize that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Jesus.  I mean, it’s the Gospel coming to life before your very eyes—a part of His story and His glory. And well, the fact that I get to be a part of it all makes me want to fall on my face in worship, which I do, daily, in place of my hard-seltzer habit.

In the book, John Elmore writes, “It is Christ’s will to eradicate sin and addiction from the church, and He will sanctify His bride, one person at a time, one struggle at a time, and one day at a time.” And this truth is found in Ephesians 5:25-27.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Listen, amidst the year 2020 when the pandemic was at its height, as well as my stress and fear, I tried going a day or two without alcohol and felt really proud of myself, but it was so difficult and tiresome as my mind was constantly thinking about that drink in the back fridge waiting for me after a long day.  And after that day or two would pass, I rewarded myself with double the amount I’d typically drink.  To say I’m 15 days sober is almost unbelievable, but I know it’s possible because I brought Jesus into the fight against what was made to destroy me.  And in true God-fashion, He took what was meant for my harm and turned it into something good.  Freedom.

I’ve since started a sober-living journal where I am able to write out my feelings, thoughts, struggles, and temptations as I confess to God that I can’t do another 24 hours without alcohol without His strength.  It’s my little book packed with confession, surrender, thanksgiving, and—most of all—hope for a future where I keep God first always.

There is no way I’d want to end this without telling you that this is not just me and God doing this work together.  It’s all God and then some.  God has brought the people into my life that are encouraging and keep me accountable.  He has given me a husband who is supportive and understanding.  He has given me children who deserve a present mom, not a hungover one.  He has given me a community of believers who want to see me succeed in what God has for me.  And He has given me the heart to recognize His faithfulness in my life, so that when I do mess up, I will remember that it’s in my weakness that His strength can carry me on to begin again.  One day at a time.

Special thanks to Pastor Chris for sharing his struggle and the book, Freedom Starts Today by John Elmore, which has been life-altering, and to Riverbend Community Church for not only preaching the Gospel but living it out as they walk alongside the ones who are willing.  From one sinner with struggles to another, I am forever changed because of the way Jesus loves you.  It’s His love in you that has overflowed from your heart right into mine.

A sinner with a Savior,

Ky

Letting the Light In: Bethann Miller's Story

Letting the Light in—Bethann’s Story

While many of us may know Bethann Miller as a woman of leadership in the church, a counselor, and the co-founder of Safe Place Ministry, what you may not know is the story of her life that has helped to shape who she is and how she serves.   

Bethann began attending Riverbend Community Church with her husband, Tom, in 2012 when they moved to the Lehigh Valley. Since then, Bethann has served our community in numerous ways, having previously led the women’s ministry, counseled many in the church, and is currently on the teaching team for Sunday mornings.  Throughout Bethann’s life, God’s presence, love and faithfulness have always been her foundations.  Even as a young child, she has a recollection of His presence in her life.  Although there were times when she questioned that love and faithfulness, and even pushed it away, Bethann recalls that especially during those times, He still remained.

 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8  

Bethann’s mother, a member of a convent, left that life to marry her father. As a young child, she remembers attending Folk Mass through the Catholic church and later the Jesus movement of the 1970’s with her mother. This is where the foundation of her faith was laid. 

Bethann recalls several miraculous events in her life where Christ’s power and presence was undeniable.  One such event was when she attended a Women Aglow event with her mom and the speaker talked about Jesus opening the eyes of the blind.  Hearing this impacted Bethann deeply, as she had a degenerative eye disease since birth and doctors had determined there was no restoring it.  But that night, Jesus spoke directly to her through this speaker.  When the speaker asked if anyone needed to be healed of their eyesight issues, she came forward right away.  From that day forward, Bethann no longer needed any intervention to correct her eyesight. It was clear that God had a plan for her life and that she was His.

As a child, Bethann was very excited about her relationship with Christ.  She recalls friends wanting to play sports with her, but before she would agree, they had to listen to her share the gospel.  She had a tract about the end times and the rapture.  She would preach that her peers would repent and be saved so that they would go to heaven.  Only after listening to what she had to tell them, would she agree to play with them.   

Unfortunately, as she moved into the early teenage years, she began to harden her heart.  Bethann began to turn inward.  She would get angry, and her home life became tumultuous due to her internal struggles.  She recalls that this all began around the time of puberty and feels that this is connected to ongoing trauma that she endured during her early developmental years.

As her depression and anxiety worsened, she found ways to try and control the chaos that she felt inside.  Bethann struggled with her weight, truly believing that she was unattractive.  She had a self-hatred that stemmed from her past trauma.  As a means to take control, she decided she was going to change the way she looked.  When she was about 20 years old, she began severely controlling what she ate every day.  She starved her body to the point that she could no longer hold a job, and eventually even getting up to take a shower was such a feat that this was all she could accomplish in a day.  She was diagnosed with Anorexia-nervosa and then later with bulimia. A consistent cycle of binging and purging followed by self-punishment and further starvation along with taking 12-30 laxatives a day, was causing her body to collapse. Her mom, in an effort to try to help, would purchase cases of Gatorade to relieve the terrible muscle spasms and dangerous electrolyte imbalances this caused.

For years, she lived like this. Self-harming, despair and consistent thoughts of suicide were present. In a desperate state, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for eating disorders in California. She knew that if she did not do something, she was going to die.  At 23 years old, she came home from that clinic and was determined to live and to make a change.  She was going to fight for her life.  That is how she describes it.  Every day was a FIGHT for her life.  She was on medicine to treat anxiety and depression from a medical standpoint.  She began attending church and two of the Pastor’s wives asked if she was willing to go through biblical counseling with them.  These women would discuss scripture with her, pray over her, and help bring truth and wholeness to her. Bethann would open her Bible and write scripture after scripture down in notebooks using God’s Word as a sword to fight. Unable to concentrate as her anxiety was so high, this is the only way she was able to keep her thoughts on the words.  She found worship music as a tool she could use, too, playing and singing truth into her soul.  

She decided that she was going to let the light in, and bit by bit, that light pushed the darkness out.  God’s Word and his truths and his promises are light to our dark souls, and Bethann can attest to the power of God’s Word.  Writing the scripture, reading it, singing it.  She fought with the power of God’s Word for her life!  Since that time, she has never gone to that dark a place again, but there are still lasting effects to this day.  She compares this to the thorn in the flesh that Paul carried with him throughout his life.  She still struggles with body image and being kind to herself when she messes up.  She still needs medication for her anxiety, but God has redeemed her.  She is no longer a slave to the darkness.  God has invited her to come alongside him to walk alongside others and point them to freedom and the Hope of Christ..   

When Bethann was asked what she would like people to take away from her story, she answered this, “Suffering is real, trauma destroys, intervention is possible, and sometimes we have to fight like hell to break free.”   She wants people to know that light is more powerful than darkness, and as the light comes, the darkness has to flee.  

Hebrews 6:19 “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a HOPE that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.”

A Glimpse at Robbin Hunsberger

Robbin’s Story--Adjusting the lens and finding beauty

Is this “home”? was a question often playing in Robbin Hunsberger’s mind.  And God, in His amazing way, gave her beautiful, unexpected ways to say “Yes.”  Robbin lived in Moore Township, Northampton County her entire childhood. It was there as a young child that she prayed a simple prayer, all by herself, to begin a lifelong relationship with Jesus. Later, as she was graduating from the Culinary Institute of America, Robbin wondered, “What next?”  An employment offer to manage the kitchen at Pocono Plateau Camp and Retreat Center came.  Robbin reflects, “The way I’ve seen God talk to me is through the timing of things—the ‘coincidences.’” Could this really be God’s plan? Could this be her new “home”; not a high-end restaurant with complex, elegant menus? She had a certain peace and excitement and accepted the offer, but it took about two years for Robbin to adjust her lens, give up the typical expectation of a CIA chef, and recognize the gifts in God’s placement at the camp. Once she gave up her own agenda, she was able to see the beauty and joy at Pocono Plateau. “I helped my kitchen crew understand that cooking for kids is a ministry.”

This was right for a time, then in 2005, the physical strain and exhaustion from being in food service brought Robbin to a transition. And God in His graciousness connected her to a second career without requiring any training or retooling.  “It’s good I didn’t fight life changes.” Robbin now works as an office administrator at a church in Bethlehem Township.  While working at the church, she connected with youth pastors Shad Gilbert, Joe Velarde, and Ryan Knepp, who were feeling called to start a church particularly designed for young people. This group was seeing youth, raised in the church, drop out of faith families as they finished high school.  After she and the team prayed for about a year, they ventured out, following God’s call to a new “home” for worship and service, and began Riverbend Community Church. “That whole experience got me to see the power of God. We were all doing all we could do, and it wasn’t enough. It was only God who could make it happen. It reminds me of a quote from the makers of The Chosen, ‘It’s not your job to feed the 5,000, only to provide the loaves and fish.’”

Robbin was one of the original members of the Riverbend leadership team as it was being planned. Pictured (l-r) are Jesse Velarde, Amy Velarde, Joseph Velarde, Robbin Hunsberger, and Ryan Knepp.

A Gathering from April 2010, about six months after Riverbend launched. The church was meeting in a rented ballroom at the Sheraton on Airport Road, and would set up and tear down all equipment every Sunday. On the stage leading worship are (l-r) Sam & Pastor Chris Dean and Adam Pinto, Pastor Joe in front preaching, and Robbin running media.

At first, Robbin shouldered many tasks at Riverbend on a volunteer basis while continuing her weekday work with the other congregation.  It has been a joy as more and more people have connected with Riverbend to share some of her original tasks with others.  She loves to see how quickly people come in and start finding ways to be a part of the family at Riverbend, shouldering the work together.  She loves that there aren’t the typical hoops to jump through before people can find a place to fit and contribute here.

From the outside, if people would just read a checklist of descriptors, they might think she has a kind of difficult life.  She is single. She has chronic pain.  But Robbin has a different perspective. She said, “My life is easy.  I’m at peace. My family gets along.” When the chronic pain entered her life, interrupting a life filled with ultimate frisbee commitments and outdoor adventures, she said, “Okay, Lord. This is what we’re doing now.” She remarked, “My whole life is how it is because of my faith…I’ve given up the right to myself, to my own agenda.”

And each time she gives up her agenda and adjusts her expectation lens, God brings more.  “He does a lot that is extra, that is beautiful. The Lord does fun things!” One of the fun things that has evolved is a weekly open house-type gathering. Right now, Robbin and her sister live together in Easton.  She and her sister cook for a group of friends they have met through various connections over the years.  Their goal is to provide a place to belong, a place to be “loved on,” a home.  One person shared, “You guys are lucky. You don’t find this many places.”

Robbin describes herself as a pretty logical, practical person, but even that is being adjusted.  She’s been talking with God about how she doesn’t have something she’s really passionate about…and how did He answer?  Gingerbread houses!  It doesn’t make any sense.  It’s not practical.  It’s not useful. But it is so much fun to do, to plan, to anticipate, and to create.  “God has given me a fun outlet—a pastime.”

One of Robbin’s gingerbread house creations.

Throughout her life, God has been challenging Robbin to adjust her lens of expectations.  Each time she did this, she saw God’s hand at work and received God’s beautiful gifts of joy.  Looking back, she realizes that these seasons and the beauty in them were only visible when she adjusted her lens to align with God’s vision for her.

Psalm 84:5 “Happy are those whose strength is in You.”

Editor’s Note: This story is the first piece in an exciting new project from the Riverbend Writing Team, the Stories Series. We are excited to bring more stories of God at work in our community to you in the future! For more thoughts on the project and how it ties into our recent series on Hebrews 11, read Stories Matter. If you have a story of God’s faithfulness in your own life you’d like to share, leave a comment on this post or on Stories Matter to be contacted by the writing team!