Throughout Lent, the 40 days leading up to Easter, we shared a reflection series called Return to Me: A Pause for Lent. We had opportunity to, like David, invite God to search our hearts for anything that has caused a breach in our relationship with him. This inspection is heavy work, but it’s also redemptive. Confession and repentance feel painful, but they are a kindness and gift from our loving Father, an invitation to return to him.
This is not, however, work that we do on our own, in a vacuum. The heart-searching of Lent and the salvation offered through Jesus’ death and resurrection on Easter meet in the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, God himself, lives in us, works in us. Beginning April 17th and leading up to Pentecost, we will share a new series on the Holy Spirit. In the meantime, we are honored to share the work that the Holy Spirit is doing in one of our own, Kyle Lara, as she laid a struggle before the Lord and he has begun to redeem it.
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Recently, I took my son to Skate-Away, and I'm grateful to have the experience of doing something like this with him. It doesn't get lost on me how fleeting and special this time is for us. But it also isn't lost on me that if I hadn't given up alcohol for Lent and if I’d indulged in all the regular St. Patrick's Day "shenanigans," I would be too hungover and tired to even think about taking my son skating. And that would lead to feeling guilty for not being intentional and present with my family, ultimately leading to depression, anxiety, and shame.
Life without alcohol has been awesome, and I can say that as someone who genuinely enjoys the taste of beer. It's given me a perspective that has completely changed my relationship with alcohol, and for that alone, I feel very blessed. I keep thanking God for His grace and mercy because if it wasn't for Christ in me, I'd most likely be boastful about the success I have had with how many "dry days" I have had in a row. There's a word for that, you know? It's called "striving," and it's exhausting. I know this because of how hard I've been on myself when I wasn't successful at giving it up for longer than a week. I would probably be prideful in my ability to abstain as if willpower had anything to do with it.
The truth is, I am nothing and have nothing without Jesus. It's only because of His selfless and generous gift of salvation that I am not only forgiven of my sins but loved even while wading in sin knee-deep. When you are loved here, in the wade pool, in a place of disdain for yourself and your actions, it changes you. This is the love of Jesus. It's transformative. It's a type of kindness that leads to repentance, ultimately leading to a new way of life. I could stay in this moment forever, because in this moment is a deep understanding that God can, does, and will forgive me. He has given me more opportunities than I can count to choose Him again and again. See, this is His goodness, the kind that chases you down every day of your life. This is His kindness and love for you. And this is His desire for my life. How do I know that? I know that because I'm still here.
As I laced up some rental skates to follow my son around a roller rink for a few hours, it's not without the deep knowing that His Spirit goes with me. It's His Spirit that is even making this moment possible. Giving up alcohol for Lent has made it crystal clear that the flesh is weak. My flesh loves St. Patrick's Day, green beer, and bar hopping; it hates early mornings, headaches, and hangovers. But when we ask the Holy Spirit to lead us through the temptations of indulgence, I found that the Spirit of the living God is willing to carry me. And I believe that it's in these moments—when I am surrounded by what truly matters and living joyfully without the one thing I thought only amplified my joy—that allows Christ to be most visible in me. I am showing up fully present without alcohol on my breath and without regret in my heart. It hasn't been without temptation and teeter-totter thoughts. It has been challenging and lonely at times. But it's also been incredibly rewarding. I'm only able to show up because God loved me to this place. This is the place where fullness becomes tangible: full of His love, full of His peace, full of His Spirit willing to lead and love me forward. A place where filling myself with the light and love of God I've received can be shared with anyone else who wants to be here, in "this place" with Him too.